Commissions, Kickbacks and Referral Fees

We had an interesting discussion at The Wedding Party office today. A planning company called one of our vendors and actually asked her to raise her prices by 20% so that she can get that amount as a commission!  Several of our wedding pros have been approached by this company and asked to pay a commission in exchange for a referral, although not always quite so blatantly.

There can be a blurry line between commissions, kick backs and referrals.  Our company policy strictly prohibits the acceptance of kick backs or referral fees - we ask that our vendors pass that dollar amount along to our clients as a discount.  But what about a little gift thanking someone for a referral?  Is there a dollar amount that is too extravagant and the gift should be sent back?  It's not always black and white.

The Association of Bridal Consultants (of which we are members, and the above-mentioned company is not) has a Code of Ethics:

Members will...

Represent each client fairly and honestly, providing all agreed-to services in a timely and cost-efficient manner.

Establish reasonable, proper fees for services and provide written estimates to each client.

Use honest factual advertising.

Deal with employees fairly, in an unbiased manner.

Operate an establishment that is a credit to the Association and the community.

Disclose to clients any payment received from suppliers.

Members will...

• Represent each client fairly and honestly, providing all agreed-to services in a timely and cost-efficient manner.
• Establish reasonable, proper fees for services and provide written estimates to each client.
• Use honest factual advertising.
• Deal with employees fairly, in an unbiased manner.
• Operate an establishment that is a credit to the Association and the community.
• Disclose to clients any payment received from suppliers.

My question is whether or not the brides that hire this company know that not only are they paying them, but the vendors are also paying them.  And moreover, is the bride getting the best vendors for her wedding, or anyone that will pay a commission?

Many of the most well-respected professionals in North Florida will refuse to pay these commissions and therefore will not get referred by this other company.  Would you want to lose out on the best photographer or band in town simply because they will not pay your planner a commission?

I'd really love some feedback below, both from wedding pros and brides-to-be...What are your thoughts?

Wedding Colors Quiz

The Knot's website conveniently offers a Wedding Colors Quiz for all you brides-to-be who just don't know what colors your wedding will entail. While it may be right on the dot for you, don't take it too seriously. If you agree with the results, go for it! If it couldn't be further from the truth, disregard it with a laugh. If nothing else, let if give you something to ponder on! Take the quiz here!

Tell the Men You Love: Choking Will Kill Them

This weekend, I attended the Association of Bridal Consultants Florida State Conference, where one of the seminars was a CPR certification class.  Almost 3,000 people die in the U.S. each year due to choking.  The good news is, the Heimlich Manuever, the traditional treatment for choking, is extremely effective in saving thousands of lives each year. However, there is one catch:  You have to ask for help!

We were told that more women suffer from choking (probably because we talk so much while eating so fast!) but more men die from choking.  The reason?  Men won't ask for help.  They go somewhere, usually the restroom, and think that they can use their finger to dislodge the food they are choking on.   90% of men who die of choking do so on a bathroom floor, alone.

Please pass this message along to all the men in your life!  If you are interested in CPR/Rescue Breathing/Choking Rescue classes in North Florida, check out the local American Red Cross website.

Hot or not?

What bride doesn't want to have great hair for their hairstylist to brag about on their wedding day? Even though you may not be doing your hair on your big day, it's still nice for the stylist to have an easy-to-work with mane that isn't overdried or full of breakage. There are tons of hair care products that claim to reduce the wear and tear that daily conditions put on your hair. While some of those may actually live up to what they say, you are really in control of the majority of damage that your tresses undergo. You ask, "How is that?" Well, my friend, it all comes down to heat exposure. If you are the kind of gal that takes a hot shower every day, followed by blow drying and straightening and/or rolling, chances are you're hair could stand a break.

You may think you have no other options, but you would be surprised to learn there are actually many alternatives if you get creative. Instead of a hot shower, maybe try warm water. From personal experience, I have found that when I rinse my hair with cool water, after about a week, I had fewer dead ends. Next in the process, you could attempt using the cool setting for drying your hair, just be careful with letting the ends of your hair beat in the wind, as this is also very rough on your locks. When it comes to straighteners and rollers, there really is no easy way around it. If you want straight-as-a-board hair, or you just love having that Barbie bounce, you've got to do what you've got to do. I would suggest testing out a few new styles. I have recently discovered that a side braid is very stylish and doable, but I don't have to actually do anything to my hair before braiding it. Another personal favorite of mine is having tousled hair. Some may be afraid of not being able to pull it off, but if you don't try it, you'll never know!

So, don't forget... you have the power! When in doubt about styling or tips, don't be afraid to search the internet. Fifty percent of the world is made up of women. The chances that some of those women are wondering the same things as you are highly possible!

(photo from TheKnot.com)

Something Borrowed, Something Hot Pink

Have you always been the kind of girl that has dreamed about a traditional wedding? Maybe you've never pictured anything but a modern theme on your wedding day. At either end of the spectrum, it's yours, and you make it what you want. You should never, at any moment, worry about what your guests think. Your wedding should be about you and your future spouse and who the two of you join together to be. Let's take a look at one of the most common wedding phrases...

"Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue."

Primarily, "something old" represents tradition. This is often a signification of your mom, grandmother, aunt, sister, etc. "Something old" stands for tradition and memories of the past, and traditions that you are continuing to carry on that will possibly be included in your granddaughter's wedding.

"Something new" is typically the style of the bride. It is what she wants to include in her wedding day that defines more of who she is and her sense of fashion.

A bride can sometimes receive a gift or item from a happily married friend or family member, alas "something borrowed." This may signify good fortune from one bride to another.

As far as "something blue" goes, the color and weddings have gone hand in hand for centuries. Brides in ancient Rome wore blue to symbolize many noble traits, while purity has been associated with the color because of Christianity's dressing the Virgin Mary in the color.

Whatever the theme, whatever the colors, whatever the traditions or lack thereof, your wedding is yours. Maybe your something blue should be something hot pink!

(pink flower photo courtesy of Tibby Dozier Steedly)

A Few Extra Steps

One of the most important pieces to a bride's outfit on her wedding day is her shoes. While it is common for a bride to wear a pair of shoes she already has, many brides purchase a new pair of shoes for this special occasion. At the end of her wedding day, the last thing any bride would want is a blister. Unfortunately, new shoes are the epitome of such a situation. On the bright side, there are a few ways this unwelcome occurrence can be avoided!

Before purchasing, make sure the shoes you are interested in fit properly. Blisters usually occur because a shoe is too tight or too loose. If a shoe store does not offer the size you need for the shoe you love, ask them if they can check other stores for you. If this does not work, check the internet. Considering that another culprit of blisters is sweating, ensure that your shoe has plenty of breathing room for your foot. These are very important factors to keep in mind before you buy your wedding day shoes.

After making the purchase, wear your new pair around the house for a few hours. This way, you will not only break them in, but you can also make sure they don't blister in places like your heel, or pinky toe. If they do blister, you have two options. You can either exchange that pair for a different one, or arrange to wear Band-Aids in the proper places on your wedding day.

If you plan correctly, blisters and unpleasant foot pains can be easily avoided simply by taking a few extra steps before your wedding.

(photo courtesy of La Dolce Vita Studio, from Michelle and Jamaal's April wedding)

Check Out Brides!

Have you seen the July/August 2009 issue of Brides?  I'll be honest, I hadn't read it yet, but then I got this email from my cousin (and bride-to-be) Celeste in Los Angeles: "I just read a quote and at the end it was from you!" If you have a copy, check out page 93 for a tip from yours truly:

"It's always nice to hear that someone really wants to work with you," says Heather Canada, of First Coast Weddings and Events in Jacksonville, Florida.  "If it seems like they are just looking for deals, I'm unlikely to discount."  Canada doesn't slash prices, but she'll throw in extra services or create custom packages for couples with modest means.

What an honor to be quoted in such a prestigious publication!  The complete article, called "How To Negotiate With Vendors," starts on page 92.

Why Not To Replace Your DJ With an iPod

There is a lot of talk among the D.I.Y. set about cost-cutting measures for your wedding.  One I overhear frequently is "don't get a DJ - use your iPod for reception music."  This couldn't be a worse idea.

Think back to the last wedding reception you attended.  What do you remember?  The bride's dress?  The type of flower?  No.  You remember if you had fun.  And 9 times out of 10, "fun" is directly related to the entertainment.

A good DJ will not only play music - they will act as a Master of Ceremonies, keep the party going, make sure that everyone is where they need to be for important events (if you don't have a wedding coordinator!), and play music that the crowd responds to.  If everyone is having a great time dancing to disco, will your iPod know that and keep playing more?  No.  (Not yet anyway, although I wouldn't but it past the geniuses at Apple to come up with that feature in the future!)

So how do you adjust your budget to get a good DJ?  Take a look at your menu.  Do you have a fruit and cheese platter during cocktail hour in addition to passed hors d'oeuvres?  Cut it out.  It is probably about the same price as a DJ.  And I can guarantee that no one will miss it!

The video above was created by the American Disc Jockey Association (ADJA) showing what can happen when iPod weddings go bad.  It's a bit long but I encourage you to watch it if you are considering this option.  It's a real eye-opener.  It turns in to a bit of a commercial for ADJA at the end, but the overall message is great.

(And no, your wedding coordinator will not run your iPod for you all night.)

10 More Questions to Ask

As you begin interview potential wedding vendors, you will probably see a variety of lists of "questions to ask."  While these are a great place to start, here are some additional questions you may want to consider for coordinators:

1. How long has your company been in business, and how long have you been with the company?
2. Tell me more about the weddings in your portfolio.
   1. How much were you involved with the couple?
   2. Were you a day-of coordinator or did you help from the beginning?
   3. What was the design concept?
   4. What were the couples' personalities?  What was most important to them?
   5. Looking at specific details, did you come up with these or did the bride/groom?
3. What is your process for designing an event?
4. What should I expect from you if I hire your company?
5. Do you have a staff or other backup plan in case of emergency on the wedding day?
6. Is this your full time job or a second job/hobby?  (the only reason this really matters is in regards to the amount of time they will have to dedicate to you)
7. How many weddings do you personally work on at one time? (this shouldn't be too high - again, you don't want them to be stretched too thin!)
8. What makes your company different from the competition?
9. Are you involved with any professional associations?  Are you an active member?  To you participate locally, nationally, internationally?
10. MOST IMPORTANT:  Do you have a business license and liability insurance?

Of course, you should always ask for references - and check them!  I recommend asking for the names of other wedding vendors that they have worked with, as well as former clients.  DJs, photographers and venue coordinators will espeically be helpful.

Remember that anyone can put pretty pictures on a website - but were they really involved in that wedding? Or are they stock images?  Are those reviews online real?  If you spend some time researching reputible wedding consultants, they will have all the same information on the vendors they suggest to you, making your job so much easier!

Another Bad Wedding Planner

I never bash my competition.  If a prospective client comes in and tells me she is meeting with other planners, I always ask who, and tell them a few great things about that person.  I am always happy to give advice to newer planners.  And of course, I love promoting the Association of Bridal Consultants. But this recent news story is such a sad commentary on our industry today: http://www.firstcoastnews.com/news/local/news-article.aspx?storyid=137748&provider=rss

This is the second "wedding planner" (and I use that term loosely) that has been in the news this year.  So as a reminder, please, please, please do your homework before hiring any wedding professional!

• Check with industry associations to verify claims of membership or certification
• Research the company with the Better Business Bureau
• Ask for referrals from past clients - and check them!  I usually ask for references from other vendors too - reception venues, DJs, photographers and videographers tend to see and hear a lot at weddings!
• Be sure they are licensed for their industry - check local/state websites for proof
• Get everything in writing

A Wedding Time Out

I moved to Jacksonville seven and a half years ago from Orlando. I was born in Orlando and lived there until I went to college - Flagler College in St. Augustine. I couldn't wait to get back to Orlando after graduation. But somehow I ended up back in North Florida a few years later, and have loved every minute of it. There are so many wonderful things to do in Jacksonville that are free or very inexpensive. I hope that as our brides and grooms are wrapped up in the hustle and bustle of wedding preparations, they take the time to spend some relaxing time together.

Jacksonville Symphony Orchestra and the Beaches Fine Art Series present a number of free concerts throughout the year. Tonight my mom and I enjoyed the 15th annual pops concert at the SeaWalk Pavilion in Jax Beach.

Riverside Arts Market is a new hot spot for Saturday mornings. Check out awesome art, entertainment and food every Saturday from 10:00 am to 4:00 pm under the Fuller Warren bridge.

Cruise the St. Johns River on the water taxi for a quick and inexpensive break. Jump on at The Landing, and cruise over to River City Brewing Company for a bite to eat.

Friday nights during the summer are known for Moonlight Movies in Jax Beach. The best part is that you can bring your own food and drinks (even wine or beer!) and have a picnic before the movie starts.

Enjoy the Cummer Museum of Art and Gardens for free every Tuesday from 4:00 to 9:00 pm!  Browse the current exhibits or stroll the spectacular gardens.

Art Walk is held throughout the region on various nights:  downtown Jacksonville - first Wednesday; Jacksonville Beaches - second Tuesday; St. Augustine - first Friday.  These events are free and feature art and entertainment by local artists.

Do you have more ideas to spend time with your hunny without breaking the bank? Post a comment here!

I Do Radio Interview

Be sure to listen to my interview on I Do Radio this Saturday at 11:00 am!  I'll be chatting with host Angela Chester about planning your wedding day to be stress-free.

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/I-Do-Radio

The Garden Club - Before + After

Everyone who has been to The Garden Club of Jacksonville knows that it is a blank slate! So I thought I would share yesterday's transformation for Kristin and Sam's wedding. (note: these are my snap shots with my camera, so not great images!)

THE GARDEN CLUB - BEFORE This is what the Garden Club provides, and how the room looked when we arrived.

THE GARDEN CLUB - AFTER Once we set the ivory pintuck table cloths, black chiavari chairs, and coral sashes and napkins, the room started coming together! Add in the ivory and gold china, gold flatware, and menu cards tucked into each napkin, and it starts looking great. Once the centerpieces from Wilson's Ltd. arrived, it was amazing!

Incidentally, so many couples think it is cheaper to rent a space like this than to have a reception at a hotel or country club.  If you are one of them, be sure you are comparing apples to apples - look at all the extra costs involved, like renting china, glassware, flatware, bringing in serving staff, linens, bartenders, and catering supplies.  You can easily spend an extra $3,000-$5,000 on these items for a wedding of 150 guests!

Wedding Wire + Facebook

I just got an email today announcing Wedding Wire's new Facebook application.  Here's the details:

With the new App, engaged couples will have the ability to search for local vendors (that's you!) and create a Personal Wedding Blog right on Facebook. The new App will allow engaged couples to share their wedding details with all of their friends, family, and loved ones.

Sounds like this will be fun for our couples to use!  Have you checked out our Facebook page yet?

http://www.new.facebook.com/pages/Jacksonville-FL/First-Coast-Weddings-and-Events/

Hitting the Right Note for Your Wedding & Reception

Bridal Academy is an interactive lecture series hosted by The Wedding Party on the first Wednesday of each month, with the goal of helping brides and grooms make educated decisions for their weddings! This month's Bridal Academy explores what many consider to be one of the most important aspects of a wedding: music!

Please join us to learn everything you've ever wanted to know about entertainment from some of Northeast Florida's top professionals. Bring your questions and we’ll bring our answers for April’s Bridal Academy, "Hitting the Right Note for Your Wedding & Reception."

Guest speakers include:

• From Wehner Weddings, Kyle Wehner talking about violins, string arrangements and even classical guitar and what they can add to your ceremony.
• From North Florida’s premier band, The Faze, Mark Dennison to speak about bands and what they can do for your reception.
• From North Florida’s Top interactive DJ company, D’Land Entertainment, Paul DeLand will be speaking about DJ’s and what they can do for your reception.

Click here to check out our online group and to RSVP! This event is FREE!

New Forum For Jax Brides and Grooms

At The Wedding Party, we are always looking for new ideas!  We had a bride recently mention how nice it is to talk to other brides to share ideas and tips, which sounded like a great idea to us! So we created a new group on Meetup.com just for you.

We have set up an online community where you can post messages in the forum, but we will also host monthly meetings.  These meetings will NOT be sales pitches - the wedding professionals of The Wedding Party will be available to answer any questions you may have, but the whole concept is to bring brides together with other brides!

Our first in-person get-together will be held next Wednesday!

When: Wednesday, March 18, 2009 at 6:00 pm

Where: The Wedding Party office, 8640 Philips Highway, Suite 8, Jacksonville

More Info: http://www.meetup.com/Jacksonville-Brides-Grooms/

Click here to check out
The Jacksonville Brides & Grooms!

Worst Wedding Advice Ever

I just read this great article on TheKnot.com and had to share it! Here's a little snippet, but be sure to read the entire article!

Bad Advice: "My mother-in-law said that it was perfectly fine to spend $9 a plate on dinner for our guests. She based this on my sister-in-law's wedding, where they served cold meat sandwiches, au gratin potatoes, and questionable-looking fruit salad." Morgan, Madison WI

Our Advice: Food is one detail every wedding guest remembers. Whatever your budget, you should allot about 40 percent of it for catering. Work with your caterer to prepare a menu within your budget and try to cut costs in other ways (like by trimming your guest list) rather than skimp on the meal.

Preferred Vendor Lists

I'm going to climb up on my soap box for a minute, so I apologize in advance. I read a great article today regarding wedding TV shows and preferred vendor lists.  The article is called "Brides Beware! Wedding TV Shows Are Mostly Infomercials" and it was written by a wedding officiant in Los Angeles named Elizabeth Oakes. Here is an excerpt:

The catchphrases “Best of the Best” and “Preferred Vendor” are supposed to make you think providers have been vetted for quality, but the truth is the only quality required is the ability to write a check.

So brides beware! Don’t take everything you see on TV or read in wedding magazines at face value.  Of course you knew that, it's just that when you’re starry-eyed with excitement about your impending wedding you might not see the white tulle being pulled over your eyes.

It’s not that you can’t consider booking these vendors if you like what you see.  Just be aware that you’ll need to verify the superiority of their services for yourself--and that their prices will probably be higher than other vendors, given that they’re paying for pricier adverts and those costs are passed along to you.  It’s always smart to seek independent referrals, references, and recommends from people you know in addition to any media information you receive; your own research and good sense should be your guide....a far better guide than the mediated ones being offered to you under dubious pretenses.

I whole-heartedly agree with Ms. Oakes.  Anytime you are presented with a "preferred vendor list," please ask if these professionals pay to be listed.  Any time you see a full-color, glossy brochure at a venue that contains a list of vendors and ads, they have definitely paid to be included.  And it's not that they aren't great vendors, per se, but as this article says, be sure you are hiring a professional because you like their work, you have checked their references from past clients, and you have verified their business license and checked with the Better Business Bureau for any complaints.

Thanks to fab Orlando wedding planner Kerline Docteur for sharing this article with me!

Name Changes

I've been on a bit of a blogging hiatus for the past week due to a nasty cold that has kept my brain from functioning well.  I think I'm on the up-swing though! You may have noticed that over the past couple of weeks I have been changing my name back to my maiden name.  Which leads me to a question:  are you (or did you) change your name?  It's really such a hassle!

If you decide to make the effort, here's a quick list of those you will need to notify:

• DMV
• Social Security Administration
• U.S. Passport Agency
• U.S. Post Office
• Employer
• 401k / Retirement plans
• Credit card companies
• Bank accounts / names on checkbook
• Mortgage
• Voter registration
• Doctor, dentist, HMO, medical records, heath-care proxy
• Health, life, auto, and home insurance policies
• Clubs
• Memberships
• Discount, courtesy, and frequent-flyer cards
• Utility companies (phone, cable, gas, electric, etc.)
• Legal Contracts
• Will (you may want to change the beneficiary to your spouse at the same time)

Feel free to comment below - are you changing your name, why or why not, and for those of you already married, what was your experience like?

Trendy Bridesmaid Jewelry Your Maids Will Love

There is such a variety of bridesmaid jewelry out there, that finding a trendy piece that matches your wedding colors and theme is easy to do.  Giving the gift of bridesmaid jewelry to your maids is a gift that continues after the wedding.  Finding trendy pieces that both compliment your bridesmaids gown, but also compliment the color scheme is a task in itself.

With vintage with a modern twist being a fashion forward style, this also translates to many styles of bridesmaids jewelry as well.  There are many beautiful filigreed designed bridesmaid jewelry designs, they provide a vintage flair with modern crystals and pearls that add the final touches.

Finding jewelry pieces for your bridesmaids is one of the nice ways to say thank you for being a part of the special day.  Selecting quality made products that offer a timeless design actually gives your bridesmaids a piece that they can add to their own accessory collection and wear for many occasions to come.  Most style necklaces can be worn with a pair of jeans and a great blouse to up the fashion notch a bit.  Trendy bridesmaid jewelry selections also allow for your bridesmaids to wear their jewelry with great skirts and dresses that they may wear to other weddings, celebrations and memorable events.

When you select your bridesmaid jewelry, try to search for pieces that will first compliment their bridesmaids gowns, your wedding style and color scheme.  Finding a great piece that matches their gowns and fits their style as well is a gift to your bridesmaids that will keep on giving.  They will love and appreciate the thought you placed into their bridesmaid jewelry selections.

by Bonnie of Bonita J http://www.bonitaj.com info@bonitaj.com 888-430-2623